Kevin MeagherFor British political anoraks and quiz team aficionados, Nick Timothy is the answer to the question: “What was the name of Theresa May’s closest adviser, who resigned in ignominy after convincing his boss to call a general election in 2017, only to then run the worst political campaign in modern British political history, losing the Tories their parliamentary majority in the process?”
His booby prize is a column in the Daily Telegraph, house journal of Tory right-wingers and Ground Zero for media class Brexiteers. From this dusty perch Mr Timothy yesterday signalled what is about to become the Government’s summer theme as it tries to scrap the backstop: Paddy-bashing.
He used his column (Varadkar can blame Britain all he likes – but he is the real threat to peace) to assert, variously, that Leo Varadkar has “backed himself into a corner” for his temerity in promoting the interests of the Irish people, and has rashly “gambled and exhorted the EU to take the hardest line possible” in negotiations with Britain.
“With Varadkar’s connivance,” Timothy went on, “Brussels weaponised the Northern Irish border – and with it the peace process – to lock the UK into a customs union and a colonial status in which we would have to follow EU laws. And so the “backstop”… was invented.
“It is easy to see why this approach tempted Varadkar and his allies in Brussels. It suits them very well to keep the UK tied to European laws. It must also have been hugely enjoyable for a young Taoiseach, and his deputy, Simon Coveney, to lord it over Ireland’s former imperial masters.”
I paraphrase his remarks (fairly, I would suggest), in order to avoid you having to waste time reading the rest of this pigswill. Timothy does, however, provide a flavour of what’s to come. As I say, this is Boris Johnson’s opening gambit: weaken the Irish Government’s position as the surest way of securing the replacement of the backstop with something more palatable to Tory backbenchers and their kissing cousins (of a purely heterosexual kind) in the DUP.
It’s all mad, of course, but it’s a fiction that rests on three even madder assumptions.
The first is that the Irish Government can successfully be prised apart from the rest of the EU. This has been the default assumption on the right of the Conservative Party for the past three years. They keep trying to drive in a wedge, hoping that little old Ireland will become isolated and learn to know its place. All John Bull needs to do is keep pushing. The risk for German car manufacturers in not being able to sell Beemers to Home Counties sales directors should outweigh any fancy notions concerning the rights of small nations.
Sovereignty only matters when it concerns Britain.
The second belief (fallacy?) is that any damage to the Irish economy will compel the uppity Irish Government – especially the hated Varadkar – into changing its tune or risk feeling the full icy blast of a no deal Brexit, as its malign effects waft across the Irish Sea. If Britain is intent on jumping off a cliff, (to horribly mix metaphors), then it’s pulling Ireland down with it.
This is Tory MP, Priti Patel, who previously remarked that Britain should starve Paddy to the negotiating table, if there was any prospect of Brexit-inspired disruption to Irish food supplies. As a display of how mainstream such crack-pottery now is in Conservative ranks, she was last week made Home Secretary, the joint-third most powerful member of the British Cabinet.
The third assumption is that the border question is a red herring and we’re all simply misunderstanding how easy – ridiculously so – it is to resolve. During the Tory leadership contest, the new Chancellor for the Exchequer, Sajid Javid, who actually referred to Ireland as“the tail that wags the dog”a few weeks ago,nevertheless argued it was still “morally right”for Britain to bung Paddy £500 million to fix the border problem at his end.
That’s good of him. Why not buy us a few spuds while you’re at it?
The much-vaunted ‘technical solution’ remains the hoariest claim in the Brexiteer dreamscape. It doesn’t matter how many times experts point out there is no precedent to draw upon and no technology capable of invisibly managing the demarcation between two such sophisticated customs and tariff jurisdictions.
Not to mention that any infrastructure on the border (inevitable, despite the unicornery of Tory romantics) would become a terrible symbol of political division and a magnet for attacks, precipitating God knows what.
No, Paddy has twisted the issue in a fiendish plot to wrench back the fourth green field. Well, John Bull’s on to you and your little game, with Nick Timothy spotting your infernal scheming:
“Dublin’s policy was bold, audacious and very nearly successful. Varadkar had sought to impose humiliating terms on Ireland’s larger and more powerful neighbour… And he has abused the Good Friday Agreement for his own ends, while shamelessly accusing Brexit supporters of endangering the peace process.
“Under Theresa May, the UK almost succumbed. But now Boris Johnson is holding firm…”
So, this is the state we’re in. It’s always someone else’s fault. They’re all out to get us. Don’t give an inch! Brace yourselves, then. The paddy-bashing, mild by historical standards, is still based on the same unyielding sense of British entitlement.
But its just a phase. A prelude to an epic U-turn in the autumn.
After Boris is tired of running into brick walls he will rebrand the backstop, bung a pile of cash at the DUP, butter-up a chunk of Labour MPs and try to ram home a spray-painted version of Theresa May’s Withdrawal Agreement.
As long as the existential fear of a ‘no deal’ Brexit hangs over the UK, Westminster will see that he gets away with it.
