Each week, Northern Slant are preparing to bring you the latest run down of Britain’s most loved baking show by self-confessed GBBO addict Jayne McGlaughlin.

It was a big week in the tent for the 11 bakers. It brought us the first Showstopper handshake, the f bomb dropped in the tent and a few questionable spinach dyed cakes, but what else happened along the way? Grab a cup of team and a chocolate digestive (or 3) and I will attempt to summarise the cake baking action.

Alongside the cake, we were treated to videos of the bakers in their natural habit – cue David Attenborough voice over. ‘Here we see Rahul working out at the gym, where he gets all of his best ideas and inspiration for his bakes.’ Sorry, what? When I’m at the gym all I can think about is how much longer I have to struggle on the Cross Trainer to work off those 3 chocolate digestives. The videos of the bakers also always make me feel like I need to have a few more interesting hobbies. Watching Gilmore Girls for the 17th time probably wouldn’t cut it.

The Signature Bake was to make a traybake. Glorious! Caramel squares, 15s, rocky roads. Alas, we were reminded that Brexit is not the only thing that divides the country.

It was the competition of the citrus with Rahul, Luke and Jon all making lemon based traybakes. The other common theme was that I had to google quite a few of the other offerings. For example, Kim Joy made a Pandon Chiffon, which the judges declared had a perfect texture but lacked flavour. Briony made a turron and orange traybake – according to google, turron is some form of nougat – but Paul declared them to be hideous, although Prue did say that they tasted divine.

Ruby and Dan were in the battle of the black forrest. Ruby lived up to her recently won reputation of struggling to finish her bakes, declaring ‘they’re not as finished as I’d like them to be’ and Paul telling her that they looked like the forrest floor. But Dan? Dan received the first Hollywood handshake of the series for his.

The battle was over but the war was not yet won as we moved onto the Technical. Everyone was slightly bewildered with the challenge this week – to make a Gateau Vert, which was apparently Monet’s favourite cake. Yeah, I didn’t know what it was either. I was even more perturbed when the bakers revealed their ingredients from the veil of gingham to see a bowl of spinach. In Briony’s words, it smelt like health. It turns out, Gateau Vert is a green cake which gets its colouring from spinach. I’ll probably not be adding it to the recipe file.

Poor Karen didn’t look like she had a clue what to do with Prue’s paired down recipe and ended up having to make her genoise sponge again, which also didn’t turn out so well as Paul declared that it was rubbery and undercooked. But Jon, who apparently loves to make genoise sponge, was as cheery as his hawaiian shirt and claimed victory and the ever-desired first place in the Technical. Despite weird ingredients and sponge issues, the bakers produced some really beautiful cakes with the boys coming out on top with Jon first, Rahul second and Dan third.

And of course, just when the tent appears to be the same temperature as the surface of the sun, what better Showstopper to have to attempt than a two tier chocolate collar cake?

Jon made a colourful pina colado cake and Antony produced a pistachio and saffron flavoured cake, inspired by a sari. I think when Terry announced that he was making a champagne and strawberry Eiffel Tower cake, everyone took a sharp intake of breath. As soon as Noel declared that time was up, the top of his tower came tumbling down. Poor Terry. (A phrase I think we’ll be using more and more.)

Manon appeared to spend 45 minutes spraying her cake and begging it to set but she ended up in tears and having to present it to the judges with the acetate still on it.

Despite a few efforts looking more like chocolate fondu than chocolate collar showstoppers, Rahul produced one of the most beautiful chocolate cake creations I’ve ever seen. When Paul asked him to step forward, he thought there was something wrong with his cake, but Paul stretched out his hand like a proud teacher for the first ever Hollywood Showstopper handshake. But he didn’t stop there. Ruby became the third recipient of a handshake this week with her Jackson Pollock cake. Handshake happy Hollywood.

The heat got too much for Luke and he was the second baker to leave the tent and Rahul was crowned star baker, which was mostly definitely deserved for keeping his chocolate shards standing in the Mediterranean heat.

Regardless of all the baking happening in the tent, my main concern throughout the show was why Sandi was wearing a shirt and a jumper when everyone else appeared to be melting? Stayed tuned for the next Noel and Sandi fashion show, along with bread week – Tuesday at 8pm.