Each week, Northern Slant are preparing to bring you the latest run down of Britain’s most loved baking show by self-confessed GBBO addict Jayne McGlaughlin.

 

Week 9 – The semi-final

 

That’s right folks, this week was the semi-final *insert generic comment about how it is even possible that the final is next week.* The remaining four bakers went head to head to secure the final three places for the final, tackling mille-feuille, creme patissiere and stress.

 

This week was Patisserie Week and I have to say I was glad to be back into some classic bakes following both Vegan Week and Danish Week. The Signature was to make 24 madeleines, including two different flavours. I’ve never made madeleines and they simply remind me of when Freddie Prinze Jr played Ross and Rachel’s nanny in Friends and he made madeleines which were ‘lighter than air.’ Apparently a perfect madeleine will have a little hump and poor Rahul didn’t understand all the jokes about humps. Paul made a hump joke to him and he looked at him with complete bewilderment, which seems to be a recurring theme for Rahul these days.

 

Despite his confusion he made 12 raspberry and lemon and 12 orange and cinnamon, nearly identical flavours to Ruby. The judges said that Ruby’s were a little messy but had excellent flavours and Rahul’s were delicious, or in the words of Prue ‘a real little triumph.’ Despite such praise he just stared at Paul and Prue with blind panic.

 

Briony’s flavours were inspired by cocktails and based on a mojito and an espresso martini. Yes please. Her mojito ones were a little disappointing but her espresso martini ones were excellent. I’m not sure how coffee flavoured alcohol could ever be a disappointment really. Kim-Joy’s madeleines were ginger and lemon and she made orange bunnies to add to her collection of woodland creatures from the series.

 

I’ll be honest, I had to google the Technical after the show to seeing what it actually was. The bakers had to make a Torta Setteveli, which is a seven-layered cake. The seven layers are made up of two layers of genoise, two layers of bavarois, a chocolate crunchy layer, a chocolate mousse and a chocolate mirror coating. I feel like I need to take some insulin just reading about all of those layers. It was also the longest ever Technical Challenge that Bake Off has ever had and it just seemed to be hours of stress. Rahul also continued with his negative vibes and said, ‘as soon as something good happens, something bad comes behind it.’ I wonder if he has thought of going into motivational speaking after the Bake Off?

 

Kim-Joy also got herself into a bit of a spin and cried over chocolate mousse. As someone who has cried over a burnt Victoria Sponge before, I understand. Despite her thoughts over how bad it was, she ended up coming second. Rahul came fourth, Briony third and Ruby first. In a first for the Bake Off (one can only assume) Paul also told Briony that her chocolate mirror glaze was rubbery ‘like a pair of incontinence pants.’

 

The Showstopper was to make a Parisian patisserie window filled with 36 pastries. This five-hour challenge had to include three different types of pastry – choux, pate sucree and mille-feuille and with no pressure at all from Paul, the bakers needed to ‘get as close to perfection as possible.’ I have to say that even watching the Showstopper this week was stressful. There was butter, creme patissiere and meringue flying everywhere. It was probably summed up by Rahul who, when asked by Noel how he was, Rahul replied ‘I’m alive.’ Excellent start.

 

There were too many flavours and bakes to fit into one article but to sum up, Briony used salt instead of sugar, Rahul’s tarts were unfinished and Paul did not hide his disgust over his unglazed fruit, Kim-Joy’s could have looked better but tasted amazing and Ruby’s were too big but beautiful. I wouldn’t say pastries can ever be too big but I am obviously not the professional that Paul declared he was looking for.

 

After the salt instead of sugar incident, this week we said goodbye to Briony who has narrowly missed out on a place in the final. Poor Sandi could barely deliver the result because she was so emotional and it reminded me of that lovely little Bake Off family that we sometimes miss seeing. Ruby was crowned Star Baker and after everyone having at least one disaster this week, that was a fair result.

 

So we’re nearly there and our finalists are Rahul, Ruby and Kim-Joy. They have all won Star Baker twice and are entering the 10th and final week on some-what of an even keel. It does seem slightly like the judges’ favour Rahul (remember when Manon left instead of him and everyone was furious?) but the final always brings with it its own unique challenges. As Paul said, ‘if they all bring their A game, it’ll be the best final we’ve ever seen.’ Tune in – Channel 4 at 8pm on Tuesday.