I envy those
With a certain nation
Scots-Irish-British-ness
My…uncertain station.

From Northern Ireland
The six county order
Saying ‘No!’ to everything
North of the border.

No Leaving Cert.
Or Irish exam
Two English O levels
But not an Englishman.

No Andrew or David
On this Billy-Paddywagon
Neither Saint George
Nor his bloody dragon!

Who am I though
Who am I not?
Part of a culture
Best forgot?

A Westminster graveyard?
A Dublin retainer?
My homeland…
An embarrassing failure?

Hard Belfast accents
The place I came from
Not Easter 1916
But the Somme.

Football in the street with
My childhood friends
Played earnest marlies
‘Neath gable ends.

Climbed Slieve Donard
Seen the Dark Hedges
My nationality remains
Fuzzy round the edges.

Ireland rugby…..
Tricolour unfurls
I would sing the anthem
But don’t know the words!

I remember ‘the pictures’
Trying to leave unseen
At the end of the filum
They played God Save the Queen.

’68 release
Went to Atlantic College
Learned World Peace
International knowledge.

Saw through other eyes
Youthfully receptive
Unsettling reality
A guilty new perspective.

Despising the bigotry
Hating the hate
Questioning white horses
And the 1690 date.

Then to London
Bombs back home
Long-haired student
Lost and alone.

Bewildered in Bloomsbury
Brain like powder kegs
Left Notting Hill
Tail between my legs.

Found my love at last
Family, life and meaning
Outside: the Troubles
Insanity and screaming.

Camping in France
Hotel in Donegal
Vin rouge and Guinness
Family over all.

Ulster or Norn Iron
Ravenhill in the dark
An ‘ecumenical matter’
Unlike Windsor Park.

Do I have to choose
Between kings James or Billy?
Or the green shamrock
Over the orange Lily?

Lacking the passion
Distrusting the applause
Not prepared to kill
Or die for ‘the cause’.

Where do I belong
In this Celtic storm?
Robbed of my identity
Before I was even born?

No flag or anthem
Is my close relation
I still envy those…
With a certain nation.